Saturday, July 28, 2007

Apparently, Uncle Sam does NOT want me

Big news, dear readers. I got a letter yesterday addressed specifically to me (as opposed to, say, "Current Resident") from, are you ready for this, the U.S. Army. The Army. You know, the military. The same folks who are sending young men and women to be killed and injured in Iraq because Bush is an idiot. Yeah, that Army. I wish you could see this letter. It's fantastic. Either I am the victim of identity theft (by someone who apparently really wanted to join the Army), or it's just a simple mistake (does the Army even make "simple mistakes?"). Either way, they rejected my "application" to become an Army of One.

There is not even a complete address and no phone number at all on the letter. I couldn't try to clear this up if I wanted to.

Most of the letter is just gobbalee gook (try to spell check that, my friends), but the crux of the letter is summed up in the opening:

Dear Dave:

We appreciate your interest in the Army. However, since one of the basic requirements for enlistment is that the applicant be a United States Citizen or United States National. your citizenry makes you ineligible to enlist.

Should I hold onto this letter? You know, kind of like a "get-out-of-jail-free card," should the military actually ever come a-knockin'? Because contrary to what I'm sure is classified, super secret information, I am, in fact, a United States Citizen.

Although, I stopped boasting about that around 3700 American military deaths ago.

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