Wednesday, October 31, 2007

In case you missed the big debate last night . . .

DeSantis: Are you using less product in your hair?

Lukester: Yes, as a matter of fact, I am. My wife the beautician says it makes me look more mature.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

That's just wrong . . .

This is Amy the Christian's dog Luther. Just be happy that I didn't post the photo of him from bee-hind.

To cut costs, the pilots have to clean their own windshields . . .

Damn bugs! I told you to spend the extra buck for the premium washer fluid!

Monday, October 29, 2007

Is that the top of Cyril Wecht's head in the photo?

I've gotten four pieces of mail from this joker in one week. Once the election is over next Tuesday, I'm thinking about putting all of the full-color, glossy mail that I will have received by then in an envelope and mailing it to the Mayor's office.

Or, maybe to his home if he loses the election.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

The Boy Mayor relates well to young people . . .

Uh, listen, could you guys at least look at me for this photo? Come on, I'm the Mayor. And we're giving you each fifty bucks.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Just chillin' with some friends . . .

The Lukester avoids scheduled meetings with community leadership groups from the Hill District and the North Side, but he appears to have found time in his busy schedule for this photo.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's . . .

Hey, Uncle Dan, when you're done talking to the old guy, can we go to Mount Washington to check out the neato view of the city? Can we, huh?

Doggie style . . .

Sonni, I adore you, but please, I'm begging you, eat a cracker.

Or a Scooby Snack. Whatever's handy.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Busy day on the blog. I may have to take some time off to recover . . .

Long-lost friend Amy the Christian appeared in my email inbox today. Ironic, given that she attended the same misguided university at which Professor Kengor now professes (Grove City College). Anywho, she and I swapped a couple of emails about work, looking for better jobs, and our dogs, and I sent her a photo of Sidney and me. This was her reply:

ATC: Sidney is adorable. The End. Simply adorable. I suppose you now belong to that secret club of people who have to tolerate all the ignorami who insist on saying "dash-hund" rather than "doxen."

There is no better vocation than to be responsible for a dog. Even if I'm cursed with children someday, I will still believe that.

I think you are certainly looking well and very "academia." I hope your gross underemployment is at least still within education or counseling. Or sarcasm. You are gifted in all those areas.

And I'm not the only one . . .

FF says: It would appear to me that Professor Paul Kengor believes himself to be the sole magisterium of the Catholic church. NO, he does not accurately portray my Catholic beliefs which are so far to the left of what he is saying that I even wonder if I ever was a Catholic. And ask my mom about the Veritatis Splendor! She knows all about that big encyclical o' bullshite! And like most conservative, die-hard Catholic fundamentalists, and self-appointed Catholic moral authority, (that have probably only ever done it missionary style because that's how God said to), the almighty Professor Paul Kengor has taken the Veritatis Splendor literally in every way, shape and form and applied it to everyone but himself! I think he's insane. He's a nut job.

He's almost as bad as the Lukester . . .

My former college op-ed editor and drinking buddy Professor Kengor is starting to piss me off.

Ben is thinking . . .

Uh, Coach Tomlin, I dig your coaching style and all, but can we run Willie every now and then? You know, just to soften up the pass rush a little bit? Please? Coach?

Saturday, October 20, 2007

I wonder if Professor Kengor knows what God REALLY thinks about Iraq . . .

Jim and I worked on the university student newspaper and were friends with a fellow named Paul Kengor. From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia:

Paul Kengor is an American conservative author and academic. A professor at Grove City College and the executive director of the College's The Center for Vision & Values, Kengor is widely popular with students and conservative readers.
Kengor is a frequent television political commentator and opinion page contributor, but is most known for his best selling books. He is the author of God and Ronald Reagan, God and George W. Bush and co-editor with Peter Schweizer of Assessing the Reagan Presidency. He is currently finishing a major work on
Ronald Reagan’s role in his administration’s effort to undermine the Soviet Union, and is also writing an authorized biography of former Reagan confidant and National Security Advisor William P. Clark, Jr..
Kengor earned his Bachelor and Ph.D. from the
University of Pittsburgh and his Masters from American University. In private life, he is married to Susan Kengor and has four children. He is a practicing Roman Catholic and avid Pittsburgh sports fan.

Paul was a Republican in college when it still sort of cool to be a Republican. But what's happened to him since then is somewhat startling (at least to me) because he is a very intelligent person. But apparently, in that time he also became a very devout Roman Catholic. And his faith has obviously had a profound effect on his life and his work.

Jim: Got email from Kengor today. He and Susan just had their 5th kid. He was responding to an email I sent him a few weeks ago. He used the opportunity to send me a press release promoting his new book about God and Hillary Clinton.

Dave: Paul has gotten a lot of money and fame from God and the Bushes, and God and the Clintons. Mostly God.

Friday, October 19, 2007

In today's postal mail . . .

I got a very nice, beautifully packaged, four-page brochure for a candidate in the upcoming Mayoral election. Some feller named Ravenstahl. Brochure says that he's "A Pittsburgh Story." Ever heard of him?

Halloween must be around the corner . . . even though the leaves haven't fallen from the trees, yet . . .

Finger food.

Get it?

Thursday, October 18, 2007

I betcha he feels like . . .

Man rescued after falling into septic tank
Thursday, October 18, 2007
The Associated Press

A 77-year-old Beaver County man has been rescued after falling head first into a septic tank at his son's business.

Paul Davidson says he arrived at his pizza shop in Frankfort Springs about 12:30 p.m. yesterday to find his father, Tom, had fallen into the tank. Mr. Davidson says his father was reaching to fix a pipe when he fell through a 2-foot-wide opening and went down about eight feet.

The tank contained only six inches of sewage. Emergency crews used a harness to get Mr. Davidson out about 2?? hours after he fell in.

A spokesman at UPMC Presbyterian hospital in Pittsburgh says Mr. Davidson is in serious condition.

Uh, yeah. That sounds pretty serious to me.

Steely McBeam out in public . . .

If you like that, then you'll really like the steel beam that I carry around.

The Lukester needs food . . .

Hmmm. This lunch is not nearly as nice the ones I have gotten from the Penguins and UPMC.

What is that?! Grilled chicken?!

My horoscope for today . . .

The problem with being too philosophical is that it can be easy to get caught up in your own thoughts. Think too much about people's motivations and societal complications right now, and you will get overwhelmed by the sheer scope of things. Instead, turn your philosophical scope down to a pinpoint of light, and let it illuminate your personal life. For now, just focus on the people in your life and what they're thinking about. That will make you feel like you can make a difference.

I hate when that happens.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Just emailing at work about private bathroom activities involving hair removal . . .

Dave: I like to keep some things private. I'll tell you that I trim my crazy fast growing nosehairs, but I don't want you to watch me doing it. It's dangerous work, anyway.

FF: You account for 85% of the laughter in my life.

Mark DeSantis just says "no" . . .

Yes, sir-ree. You fellas seem mighty thirsty. What exactly were you guys doing outside behind the building during the break?

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Wish you were there . . .

To tell you the truth, I don't even really like Toby Keith. But I just couldn't resist the chance to take out that Yukon with all of that cool high-tech spy stuff. I don't know what most of that stuff does, but the burgers and dogs were cooked to absolute perfection, my man.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Today was a rough one . . .

FF: Are you eating on the phone with me?!

Dave: I'm having a Rolaids because I have heartburn from my life.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

In the mind of Mark DeSantis . . .

Seriously, does your hair ever move?! How much product do you put in your hair?! At least with my hairline, I really don't have to worry about that.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Oh, Captain, My Captain . . .

It is staggering to imagine how things could have been, Mr. Nobel Peace Prize Winner.

I know, it's just not as glamorous as "Mr. President." But those dreams are going to have to remain in the lockbox.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Gratuitous new doggie photo . . .

I bet this little fella learns more quickly than the Lukester.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Oh, and one more thing . . .


Let's play "What is the Lukester thinking right now?"

He's smarter than me, he's richer than me, he has far more political experience than me. Heck, he's got more experience in general than I do. I'd be worried if he had hair like mine. The chicks dig the wet look.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

A boy and his dog: the beginning . . .

Last week I adopted a dog. It is the first time I have welcomed a dog into my life since my last dog Fritz passed away nine years ago. He came to me from an organization that accepts, rescues, fosters, and finds homes for dachshunds all over North America. It's called Dachshund Rescue of North America ( In less than a week, there's already a lot to tell about Sidney. He's a little more than one year old, so while not technically a puppy, he is still a young little fellow. This afternoon during our walk, we strolled around a block in my neighborhood that he had not seen yet. And during that walk, I discovered that Sidney is afraid of fire hydrants. You heard me. Afraid of fire hydrants. That's like women being afraid of shoes. It just doesn't happen.

Monday, October 8, 2007

Oops . . . he did it again . . .

Mayor Bob O'Connor was beloved by many folks here in Pittsburgh. I am the first person to admit, however, that I did not vote for him. Ever. None of the three times that he ran for mayor, including the last time, which, of course, is when he finally won. But I am still very much aware of how popular a man he was in this city. After his untimely death, Boy Mayor Lukester ascended to the position and was seemingly embraced by Bob's former supporters. Well, now we see that that may be starting to change due to the Lukester's perceived arrogance and sense of entitlement.

My father is in the demographic that Bob appealed to the most (i.e., senior citizens). They like to vote (it's often the most important thing that they do on that particular Tuesday in May and November, other than play bridge at the local senior center with their senior buddies). They get up early, get dressed in nice clothes, and go to their local polling places to "do their duty as American citizens." My father is no different. He is a diligent voter. And despite the fact that he and my mother now spend half of the year in Florida (like many other folks his age), he requests absentee ballots when necessary.

What's the point of all of this talk about my father and older voters. Well, the Lukester pissed him off. So, now rather than just vote for him or not vote at all, my father and many other pissed off voters have another option. Mark DeSantis. Now, he's technically running as a Republican against the Lukester. But he's just doing that out of convenience, not out of any genuine party loyalty. And people like my father (who would never vote for a Republican other than, say, John Heinz) has requested an absentee ballot just so that he can vote for DeSantis in November when he is in Florida (Where, by the way, the recent temperatures have been lower than they've been here. Al Gore is right.).

The bottom line is that the Lukester really screwed the pooch on this one. He got an unearned and undeserved gift in the form of the mayor's office, and he's been pissing it away (usually when someone else is picking up the tab) ever since it looked like it was going to be clear sailing for him through November and for the next two years until the next mayoral election. But not so fast there, trigger. You have upset your older voters with your childish behavior and lack of maturity. And they just may ground you and take away your Homeland Security Yukon privileges next month.

Friday, October 5, 2007

In Mayor Lukester's world . . .

Well, it looks like I may have dodged a bullet with that whole "borrowing the Homeland Security Yukon without permission" thing. Now, I'd just like to take a moment to invite all my buddies, as well as all of you single ladies out there, to a major kegger at the Mayor's crib. You reporters are also invited, of course. Just don't bring those cameras with you, if you know that I mean.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

I say, Beware of the insurance agents . . .

Now, that's a funny little internet ad.

Monday, October 1, 2007

I'll tell you what you can do with your 50 lottery tickets and a Snapple . . .

People who make out loud complaints or "huffing" noises about other people at the counter when they are waiting in line are some of the most obnoxious people around, in my humble opinion. And they are usually pains in the ass to deal with once they get to the front of the line. Seriously, smoke some dope. Those waits in lines will seem like free entertainment.