Thursday, July 24, 2008
In the midst of what is turning into the worst summer of my entire life, I am still struggling with this depression. It really fucking sucks. I am functioning in survival mode, where I just take life one day at a time. It sounds cliche, but that's really how I manage. Everyday I stay in bed as long as I can in an attempt to make the day shorter, and therefore, more manageable for me. Then, my next big accomplishments for the day are brushing my teeth and taking a shower. After that, I need to leave my condo and go somewhere where I can be distracted from my depression. Sidney is now living with my parents while I try to get better. So, if I go over to my parents' house for dinner and a visit, then I can see Sidney and play with him. I commented to my Mom yesterday that spending time with Sidney is really the only time during the day that I smile and laugh. If I don't go over there, then I try to spend the evening with a friend, eating dinner and just hanging out. I'm certainly not at my social best. But I do try to make the best of the time away from the condo and my thoughts.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Thursday, July 10, 2008
So, I have depression. The doctor who is treating me calls it "severe depression." And it sucks. I would compare it to hell. Everything is upside down. Nothing is right with the world, or at least, nothing with my world. And I feel like shit. I can't stop my mind from racing. It just races and races, and no good thing comes out of all that thinking. Except that it takes energy away from the rest of my body, leaving me fatigued and sometimes confused. I can't concentrate on a task for very long. Composing this blog may be the longest I've been able to focus on one task in weeks. At least today was a good day. Yesterday was a bad day, possibly the worst day yet. But today was a good day. And that's all I can ask for right now.