Friday, October 29, 2010

Dave and Jim talking about jeans . . .

JIM: I am told to try True Religion. I know nothing about them, but my guess is that they must be pricey.

DAVE: With me and jeans, it's gotta be Levis or Gap. It's just the way I grew up. And I paid $64.50 for these jeans, which is like double what I normally would pay for a pair of jeans. I've been wearing them for a couple of days now, and no one has said anything or looked at me weird, so I guess I'm okay. But I REALLY fucking hate the "decorations." I want jeans (and all pants, for that matter) to be one, solid, consistent color.

JIM: I like Levis. They've always seemed to fit me the best. Surprisingly though, Old Navy is not bad. You might want to give them a shot. Are they owned by Gap? I think maybe they are, so then maybe it's not a surprise.

My wife is definitely not into me paying the price for Levis though.

DAVE: I just checked the True Religion website. $200-$300 and I didn't see anything special. But thanks for the suggestion.

JIM: Wow. Is that for one pair of jeans? I might tell my wife I want a pair of True Religions. Just as a joke.

DAVE: If she thinks that Levis are too expensive, then yes, definitely tell her that you want a pair of True Religions. $319 for many of them.

JIM: That's funny.

DAVE: Also, and you may already know this, but I never pay full price for Levis because they are almost always on sale at Sears and JCPenney for $29.99, as opposed to a retail of $44.

DAVE: Some of the True Religion jeans have flaps on the back pockets and special decorative stitching on the back pockets. I ain't into that. And they have button flies. Where do you stand on that issue? I HAVE to have a zipper fly.

JIM: Do they still make button flies? I have to say that probably the last pair of jeans I ever bought for myself (since my wife does all my clothes shopping now) was a pair of Levis button fly 501s and I loved them. That was many years ago though. In fact, either last Christmas or the one before that, my parents bought me a pair of Levis. They were the wrong size and I had to go to Sears to exchange them. I have to admit, I was extremely intimidated by the zillions of styles of Levis jeans available now. I had no idea. I was completely lost and overwhelmed. All I wanted was a regular damn pair of Levis jeans.

DAVE: A lot of jeans still have the button fly, especially Levis, which still has the 501. You're right that there seem to be a lot more numbers and colors and patterns than there were when you and I were in college. But if Kathy is buying all of your clothes for you, then you've been insulated from all of the changes in the great big world of denim. And it's totally bonkers for women. You would never have even suggested True Religion if you had checked out their website first. Not for us, my sensible friend.

Speaking of which, Old Navy does not offer 28L. So, it's the Gap or nothing, now that Levis has eliminated anything shorter than a 30L, just like everybody else. Guys my height are forced to do all of their pants shopping online if they want them to fit properly and not have to be tailored. But even Levis doesn't offer 28L online. Which is bullshit. What do men in China and Japan do? They're generally shorter than Americans.

JIM: I'm 5'9'' (maybe 5'10") and my pants are all 32L. And they fit me fine.

DAVE: Yes, that makes sense. I do think that you are a little bit taller than I am, so probably 5'10". But the reason why I wear a shorter length than you, for instance, is because I have a very low waist, and I have no ass, so all of the pants material that would normally be around a person's ass is left to just hang on me, giving me what some of my friends have called the "poopy pants" look in the back as my pants droop from my body. That extra material adds extra length to my pants, so I need to buy a shorter length so that I don't walk on my jeans. I told you this was an issue for me. It's tough being a man without an ass.

JIM: I tried to avoid letting you draw me into this conversation as fodder for your blog. However, I think I have failed miserably.

DAVE: I guess you will just have to wait until tomorrow morning [today] to find out. Plus, I will also be featuring a conversation about jeans with a young lady friend of mine. Just so you know, I never have a conversation with the INTENT of making it blog material. Sometimes it just works out that way.

Dave and Precious talking about jeans . . .

DAVE: I finally found a pair of jeans that I like, although I could really do without the crotch and leg whiskers. I must now wear these jeans for the rest of my life so that I don't have to go through that again.

PRECIOUS: Do you mean you like them enough to put up with the "whiskers"? That's a horrible phrase, by the way...

Sorry you're having such trouble finding a pair of pants. Have you considered going to a tailor?

DAVE: I realized how far apart you and I are on the subject of jeans. Clothes, in general. And I'm perfectly fine with that. You and your mother are helping to stimulate the economy, and we all appreciate that. But I don't like to spend more than $50 on a pair of jeans, and you probably spend $200-$300, easy. I like the pair that I bought from the Gap. I spent $64.50 plus $7 shipping and handling for them, making them the most expensive pair of jeans that I've ever bought. But I think they look good on me. And as I said before, they FEEL good, which for me, is a very difficult trait to find in a pair of jeans. They're slim fitting, so there's really no room for a pair of boxer shorts underneath them, so I'm going commando these days. Reminds me of college.


Well, just so you do know that we do share some experiences of fashion, I too have trouble buying jeans. It's hard for girls, in general. Designer jeans are made for models. The length is outrageous. So, I often have trouble finding a pair of jeans that don't drag on the ground and I usually end up at the tailor, sacrificing the shape of the leg but at least obtaining a proper length. I know how frustrating it can be. This is why I don't buy jeans very often. I have a few pairs that I've had for a long time. Otherwise, I wear a lot of skirts.

DAVE: You do wear a lot of skirts. That's cool. Well, of course buying jeans would be exponentially worse for a woman, that goes without saying. And I guess going to a tailor wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. I guess they can make pretty much any pair of jeans fit, right?

Well, I will be curious to get your opinion of my jeans choice the next time you are in town. They're VERY unlike me, traditionally. But at 41, I find that I'm still evolving. And desperate for a good fit.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Written by Rob Rogers

Halloween is a time for haunted houses and scary monsters. Sometimes local government is the scariest place of all!
DAVE: I was in Oakland today [Tuesday]. It's beautiful this time of year. And the fall foliage is nice, too.

JIM: Milt used to say that all the freshman looked so new, like they were wrapped up in cellophane.

DAVE: You've told me that before after I wrote something similar to what I wrote. Being around a university, even at my age, is somehow invigorating sometimes. I would love to teach or work with college students.

Have I mentioned to you that I predict the next head coach of the Dallas cowboys will be . . . wait for it . . . Bill Cowher?

JIM: Bill Cowher, huh? I guess that makes sense in a lot of ways. But I don't see it.

DAVE: You know, ESPN likes to put Hannah Storm front and center when there's a big sporting event, like tonight's Heat/Celtics game. And I firmly believe that Hannah Storm can talk about sports as though she is a man, and not sound like she's been rehearsing, unlike many of the now ubiquitous female sideline reporters in football. But ESPN also puts her out there because older fellas like you and me think she's pretty hot for a woman her age. I know I can't help myself. I don't want to want to bang her, but I just do. It's her flat stomach.

JIM: Yes. Her stomach is flat.

DAVE: I wonder if she's had labiaplasty?

JIM: Does it matter?

DAVE: If I have to tell you, then I guess you're one of the lucky ones.

JIM: I don't feel lucky.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

I'm 5'9" tall, I have a low waist, and my pant size is 34W x 28L. Most stores don't carry anything shorter than a 30L. 30L is too long for me. The pants gather around my ankles on top on my shoes like an accordion, and I don't like it. And as I've already talked about on my blog, I have been on a campaign of sorts to find pants that fit me the way that I think that pants should fit me. I have these little matchstick legs and absolutely nothing for an ass, so I need slim cut pants. Maybe even skinny cut, if you can believe that. But on my little chicken legs, skinny cut pants don't look like they're gripping your legs like they often do on the young people. But I've also discussed on this blog that I just want plain, blue jeans. I don't like the crotch whiskers and the distressed marks and all that business. But the ONLY major line of men's clothes that makes a 34W x 28L skinny jean is Gap. And these days, Gap really likes the crotch whiskers and the distressed marks and all that business. So, what was I supposed to do? I tried several different brands and cuts of jeans, but the only pair that fit me the way that I wanted them to fit and felt comfortable the way I think jeans should feel were from Gap. So, I bought 'em. And there is no room in these suckers for boxer shorts. Photo posted below for your amusement.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Election Day is only ONE WEEK away . . .

Nonexistent Bush
Written by Rob Rogers

Ok. Bring it on all you "Bush is no longer president" ranters. I know that every time I refer to the disaster that was the Bush administration I set myself up for criticism. But even the most severe Obama haters have to admit that the republicans have conveniently forgotten who really got us into this mess in the first place. Bush racked up the huge deficits, started the wars and created the stimulus and bailouts and yet Obama gets all the blame. Bush may no longer be in office but his presidency is still adversely affecting us.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Before the Phillies game on Saturday night . . .

JIM: My daughter's birthday party is tomorrow from 5-7 pm. And then a bunch of little girls are coming back to our house for a sleep over.

DAVE: Yeah. Have fun with that. I hope you're prepared not to get much sleep tomorrow night.

JIM: What I am prepared for is missing the Phillies game.

Damn it.

DAVE: Good point. You're screwed, Mr. Blondie.

After the game . . .

JIM: I got to watch the game last night. The whole damn game.

DAVE: I just want you to know that I am here for you when you're ready to talk about it.

JIM: I'm not ready.

JIM: By the way, no matter who wins the World Series, I guess Benji Molina is guaranteed a ring. That's got to be a nice situation to be in. Fucker.

DAVE: There you go. Let it out.

JIM: What a terrible, awful weekend.

DAVE: Pitt won. Go Pitt!

JIM: I'll tell you where to go.

DAVE: Aren't you at least happy for Freddy Sanchez? Poor guy, stuck on the Pirates, and then World Series.

JIM: Dude can hit.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

DAVE: This quote appears on Jason Altmire's official House website:

"Prior to his election to Congress in 2006, Jason spent 15 years in health care policy, working as a congressional staffer, a hospital association executive and for the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center."

I think that pretty much explains why he is so adamantly opposed to health care reform.

DAD: You've got that right. Rahm Emanuel, when he was still in congress, was the chair of the Democratic House Campaign Committee. He helped the democrats capture congress in 2006 by recruiting "conservative" democrats to run in GOP held, conservative districts. Now it has come back to bite the democrats.
I have some news. Apparently, Jason Altmire is no longer a democrat. I heard on a political talk show that I was watching last night that any reference to the word "democrat" had been removed from his website. So, I checked it out. He has two websites. There is his official House of Representatives website (, and then there is his campaign website ( It's true. The word democrat does not appear ANYWHERE on either of his websites. So, Altmire is no longer associating himself with the democratic party going into an election with a republican. He's neither a democrat nor a republican, although his campaign commercials suggest that he's a republican. I'll tell you what he is. A politician. If I was a member of his constituency, I would not vote for him. I wouldn't vote for his republican opponent, either. I simply wouldn't vote for either of them. Both candidates are presenting themselves as anti-Obama, so neither one of them would get my vote. And by poking around on his House website, I discovered the likely explanation for why he has been so adamant about voting against health care reform:

"Prior to his election to Congress in 2006, Jason spent 15 years in health care policy, working as a congressional staffer, a hospital association executive and for the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center."

Friday, October 22, 2010

My father forwarded me an email last night that contains an interesting idea about those who serve in Congress.

Congressional Reform Act of 2010

1. Term Limits.

12 years only, one of the possible options below:

A. Two Six-year Senate terms.
B. Six Two-year House terms.
C. One Six-year Senate term and three Two-Year House terms.

2. No Tenure / No Pension.

A Congressman collects a salary while in office and receives no pay when they are out of office.

3. Congress (past, present, and future) participates in Social Security.

All funds in the Congressional retirement fund move to the Social Security system immediately. All future funds flow into the Social Security system, and Congress participates with the American people.

4. Congress can purchase their own retirement plan, just as all Americans do.

5. Congress will no longer vote themselves a pay raise. Congressional pay will rise by the lower of CPI or 3%.

6. Congress loses their current health care system and participates in the same health care system as the American people.

7. Congress must equally abide by all laws they impose on the American people.

8. All contracts with past and present Congressmen are void effective 1/1/11.

The American people did not make this contract with Congressmen. Congressmen made all these contracts for themselves.

Serving in Congress is an honor, not a career. The Founding Fathers envisioned citizen legislators, who would serve their term(s), then go home and back to work.
News from Mom in Florida. This is part of how so many dogs end up needing to be adopted or rescued. If this couple from two houses down from my parents are moving into a retirement community, how long will it be before my parents do the same?

MOM: We have just found out that Marilyn and Ken are moving to a retirement community very close to here. The bad news is that Gertie [their miniature dachshund] cannot go with them so she is up for adoption. I thought about it and decided it would not be a good idea for Sidney. He is so used to being an only dog and having another dog might cause some problems. Gertie does still pee in the house and I will not put up with that. So, Sidney will continue to be our only dog and I think he would prefer that.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Yesterday on ESPN, Steve Young said that the origin of the big hits in football that everyone is buzzing about lately was the 3-4, zone blitz defensive scheme that was invented by the Steelers in 1993. And as a Steeler fan who has some recollection of that time, I think he just might be right. The Steelers have always been on the cutting edge when it comes to defense. It's just what they do. The NFL has been outlawing defensive moves invented by the Steelers since the 70s. But maybe that's a good thing when it comes to player health. I, for one, don't want to see football become like the movie Rollerball. The 1975 version with a young and rather studly James Caan. Not the old gangster character that he is today.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

NFL stops selling photos of Harrison's illegal hit
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
The Associated Press

NEW YORK (AP) -- The NFL has taken down photos that were for sale of illegal hits that earned players large fines.

The league said Wednesday an outside vendor used an automated process to post pictures online for fans to buy, but the system would be changed to ensure photos of illegal hits were not available.

Three defensive players were fined at least $50,000 each Tuesday after a series of violent hits in Sunday's games raised concerns that the NFL's disciplinary policy wasn't doing enough to prevent head injuries. The league now plans to start suspending players for particularly dangerous hits.

Steelers linebacker James Harrison, fined $75,000, criticized the photos' presence in a radio interview Wednesday morning, saying "I guess they want to get their money on the front end and the back end."

The NFL says: "We regret the mistake."
Yesterday was the first day that I had to apply moisturizing lotion to my face because it was just too dry not to. I held out as long as I could. Now, this will be a virtually daily ritual until April or May. Swell.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

DAVE: One of the interesting things for me about wearing slim fit jeans is that there is no room under them for boxers. Maybe tighty whiteys, but I don't wear them. So, I've been going commando since I got my Levi's 512 Slim Fit jeans. I think this is why I didn't wear underwear in college. I kinda like it.

FOCKER: I uh don't know about this.

DAVE: Commando, Focker!

Monday, October 18, 2010

Straight from the Sarasota-Manatee Herald-Tribune . . .

I've personally never written a letter to the editor. But a lot of retired people like to do that. Including my father. And he mailed me a copy of the letter that had been cut out of the newspaper. So old school.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

From today's Post-Gazette:

Angela Sanders, 35, the prostitute from Alaska, was arrested for prostitution last year in Illinois, where she now lives, and has also been busted in California, Texas, Arizona and other states. She came to Pittsburgh because she "heard it was the place to be," police said.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

What's Joe thinking . . . ?

Mmmm. They sure do have tasty ice cream in Pittsburgh. This is much better than the ice cream that Barack and Michelle serve at the White House. So yummy.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

DAVE: I don't know if it's a common practice among MLB teams, but my research has discovered that the Pirates no longer give away complimentary tickets that are, in fact, marked "complimentary." Now, when they give away tickets, the tickets have a listed price of $1, even though no one pays for them. So, the Pirates must have given away tens of thousands of tickets over the course of the season, many of which probably never made it into PNC Park, and yet they could still consider those tickets "paid tickets" because of the $1 price on them. Pretty sneaky stuff. Team President and former MLB Corporate Officer Frank Coonelly knows how to work the system.

JIM: That does not surprise me at all. What surprises me is what prompts you to do so much "research" about a team that you profess not to care about.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

They're here. First the stink bugs, and now this . . .

Community college Downtown center closed due to bedbugs
Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Community College of Allegheny County's Downtown Center will be closed at least until Monday because of bedbugs, the school announced today.

And it may stay closed after that, according to the school's web site.

College officials said Tuesday that the bugs were found at the end of last week. A trained dog was brought in Sunday to inspect the area and the landlord has agreed to treat six suites in the building for bedbugs. The work by an exterminator was scheduled to begin this afternoon.
DAVE: Have you seen the woman to whom Favre may have sent photos of his johnson? She's very hot.

JIM: No, I don't think that I have. Put a picture of her on your blog.

DAVE: Done.
DAVE: Since I don't have to wear the fancy pants that you do, lately, I've been getting the slim fit for jeans, cords, and chinos. I find them much more to my liking than what is considered the traditional cut these days. Those pants are much too baggy for my little matchstick legs.

FOCKER: I want you to know that I discovered my first gray eyebrow hair.

DAVE: So, is that a "no comment" on the subject of slim fit pants, then?

Dude, you're gray. I don't have any gray in my eyebrows, although there are plenty of other hairs doing some crazy ass shit. I trim those hairs with my beard trimmer. Gray Focker.

FOCKER: No, in fact, I strongly agree with you on slim fit pants, but you know, you always liked your pants slim back in college.

DAVE: I was just thinking the other day about how ridiculously baggy and oversized the jeans were in college. I always get the image of Mike B. in my head in his big ass jeans. The problem is, perhaps you've noticed, that if you want what used to pass for regular fit in college, you have to order in slim these days. And there are a lot of pants that you can't get in slim. Oh, well.

Monday, October 11, 2010

DAVE: I'm not digging all the pink around the NFL. And it's for the whole month, which in this case, is five Sundays.

JIM: Yes. I hate to say it, but I am kind of sick of it too.
DAVE: No Social Security COLA for 2011. The democrats CANNOT catch a break going into these elections, even though they had nothing to do with the lack of an increase.

DAD: You've got that right. Of course, even though they had nothing to do with it, the voters will blame them. I am resigned to the fact that the Republicans are going to gain control of Congress. When they screw up things even more in the next two years perhaps the voters will wise up.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Apparently, stink bugs can swim under water. I guess that means that I'm actually going to have to crush their crunchy little bodies in the Kleenex before I toss them into the toilet. That's when they're supposed to smell like sweaty feet.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Generally speaking, I think that it is safe to say that I do not normally embrace change. But I am not among the many critics of Gap's new logo. And I'm still trying to get used to the fact that the store's name is "Gap," rather than "The Gap" like it was for, like, my entire life. "Fall in to The Gap."
Landscapers have taken over Walnut Street. Travel at your own risk.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

I have never said or written the following phrases:

At the end of the day, . . .

It's all good.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Having arrived in Florida on Sunday night, Sidney hunted down and killed his first gecko yesterday.
In Dave's World, the cost of shipping and handling would be a flat $5.00 for anything that you could fit in, say, a shoebox. Including shoes.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

DAVE: Do you see enough of Hannah Storm to have an opinion about her looks? And her incredibly flat stomach.

JIM: Isn't she the one that people complain that she dresses inappropriately for her age? I think she's pretty hot, isn't she?

DAVE: I go back and forth. But her body for a woman her age is fantastic, if you're into the slim thing.

JIM: I trust your judgement on that.

Speaking of women who look good for their age, what's up on the Cindy front?

DAVE: Funny you should ask. She had said that after she got through the first week of school with her two boys, then we would set something up to meet for coffee. But I haven't heard from her. So, this morning, I emailed her just to coax her along.

JIM: Kids can keep you busy.

Monday, October 4, 2010

I have a hard time hearing certain people when they talk on their cell phones. Just a handful of folks, but I can barely make out what they are saying. I think it's the ones who rest their phone on their shoulder and hold it up to their ear. I think it puts their mouth too close to the phone, and their words get mumbled. I've asked my friends to pull their mouth back from their phone, but they don't seem to heed my request. So, I've gotten to the point with some people where I just let them talk, and I don't know what the fuck they are talking about. I don't have this problem with most people on cell phones. That's why I think it's the shoulder-resters that are the problem. They're all severe multi-taskers who probably can't possibly spare one hand to hold the phone the way Alexander Graham Bell intended.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Man who left pot in son's Elmo backpack pleads guilty
Friday, October 01, 2010
The Associated Press

UNIONTOWN, Pa. -- A father will spend six months to two years in jail after pleading guilty to hiding his marijuana in his son's Elmo backpack, which the boy mistakenly took to school with the drugs still in it.

Thirty-three-year-old Ronald Washington, of Uniontown, pleaded guilty to endangering the welfare of children and marijuana possession charges Thursday.

Police say Mr. Washington called the school where his son attended kindergarten in April and told officials he needed to get something from the Sesame Street-themed backpack. That prompted school officials to search the bag and call police when they found more than three ounces of pot.

The problem with many democrats in Congress is that they're pussies . . .

Fascist Regime
Written by Rob Rogers

Poor Barack Obama and Nancy Pelosi. This election season they are being buffeted with criticisms and ugly names. Campaign ads are attacking their policies. Politicians are keeping their distance. And those are the Democrats!
One of the many, many great things about living in Pittsburgh is that you can email the writer of an article in the Post-Gazette, and they will respond to you. I dig that. That's how I would be if I worked for a newspaper.
My mother had me go through a bunch of old photos recently, and I came across this classic. Not only am I wearing a turtleneck like I seem to be in so many other photos from my youth, but it also appears that I was a bit of a dandy when I was a little boy. I'm pretty sure that my mother chose that outfit. Yikes.