At this weekend's "Obama Bowl-o-rama" . . .

Now, this guys knows how to run for President.

Check out the shoes.

Stainless, yes. Smudgeless, not so much . . .

Stainless steel kitchen appliances are all the rage right now. And I'll be the first to admit that I think they look pretty sharp. But have you noticed how easily they get smudged? Try having a dog that sticks his wet nose up against the appliances all of the time. Smudges, my friends. Lots of smudges.

Is the race about race in Pennsylvania?

Hillary may have gotten the endorsements of Uncle Ed, Uncle Dan, and the Boy Mayor, but it looks like the Senators are sticking together, with Senator Barack Obama getting the thumb's up from Senator Bob Casey Jr. this morning here in Pittsburgh.

Out of alignment . . .

Do you know what happens when an old school road of cobble stones is paved over with about four or five inches of asphalt? I like to call it a "recipe for future potholes." In Pittsburgh, they call it "road surface management."

Seriously?!

Goodbye and thanks for coming . . .

Even though Barack Obama is vacationing with his family in the Virgin Islands while Hillary Clinton is running all over the state of Pennsylvania campaigning, I'm done with Hillary. I have seen her appear in interviews too many times where she doesn't sound sincere to me. She sounds too staged, like she's holding back and keeping it simple. Like Gore. Like Kerry. She's a tough lady, and I wish she would run for President like one. I have been very disappointed in both her campaign and her in general. So, I'm finally ready to throw my complete endorsement behind Obama. I suppose in the scheme of things, despite some lack of years in politics, he's still far smarter and more qualified to be President than Bush ever was. Now, he just has to keep up his tough and intelligent talk, and defeat the crazy old Little General. A tall order, to be sure. Is America ready for an African-American President? A black man in the White House?

I hope so. I really do.

I think someone has been having a little too much fun with her color printer . . .

This just in . . .

www.stamps.com is not exactly what you would think it would be.

And the winner of the St. Patrick's Day flair contest is . . .

Today's blog post is number 200. There should be cake . . .

I tawt I taw a putty tat . . .

Adult swim . . .

Even though it was from a movie, Gertrude keeps looking for a magic pool that has alien pods sitting at the bottom of it.

After spending some time in the Homeland Security Yukon . . .

Go ahead and throw me some beads, but I'm not going to show you my . . .

It's all about the green, baby . . .

Dan, where is that nice young man with the Homeland Security Yukon? I could sure use a drink. I feel like I'm the only person at this parade who isn't loaded.

At Friday night's Democratic jamboree . . .

Overwhelmed by the excitement of being invited by Uncle Dan and Uncle Ed to sit on the big boy stage with Hillary Clinton, the Boy Mayor started leading the crowd in a rousing version of the Village People's classic 70s disco anthem "YMCA."

Dave goes Downtown . . .

I've just returned from one of my rare, daytime trips to Downtown Pittsburgh, and I must say that I don't like going there. The Downtown skyline sure does make for a picturesque view, but at street level, it's dirty and dreary, and you can't navigate the discarded chewing gum mottled sidewalks without having to weave your way in and out of hoards of loud, often cigarette puffing folks congregated around popular bus stops. I see many more people milling about, waiting for buses than I see "business people" going about their, well, business. Maybe I don't go there often enough to have a true notion of what Downtown is like on a day-to-day basis. But from what I do know, I'm glad I've never had to work there.

I used to love Pittsburgh. I just don't anymore.

And speaking of political "indiscretions" . . .

I suspect we'll be seeing "more" of this gal in Playboy in the coming months. I hear that appearing naked in the magazine can be good for the career of a hot and sexy young woman trying to make it in New York City.

We still love the guy . . .

WHAZZUP, BILL!!!

Do you have daughters? Uh, I have some bad news for you . . .

I must not have had nearly enough sex in my lifetime, because I don't have any STDs. I feel a little left out.

St. Patrick's Day: a day for the children of Pittsburgh . . .

Today the Boy Mayor of Pittsburgh announced that this year, in an effort to make this Saturday's annual St. Patrick's Day Parade more "family-friendly," the City plans on enforcing the law against people walking around with open containers of alcohol. Now, the parade is an event notorious for bringing hoards of folks downtown on Saturday morning donned in all shades of festive greenery and beadery to drink all day and into the night. It's probably the most activity that downtown Pittsburgh sees all year. Many years ago one of my oldest friends met her husband in Market Square on just such an occasion. But the Mayor says that people won't be able to walk around with their green beers in hand this year.

So, my question is where is the Mayor himself going to be drinking his green beer on Saturday? Do you think he "borrowed" the Homeland Security Yukon again?

Is this the last we've heard from Twanda Carlisle?

Today is the day that former Pittsburgh city councilwoman Twanda Carlisle will begin her sentence of one to two years on corruption charges.

Plenty of time to get some sharp-looking tats to always remember her time inside.

Friday night in Bradenton . . .

Do you want to know what it's like to watch the Pirates at Spring Training in Florida? Last night's game got rained out and they shot off fireworks.

Just like here.

March in Pittsburgh . . .

I just love Pittsburgh at this time of year.

They should really be wearing scarves . . .

You see, Jim. Ugg boots are very fashionable, even in Alaska.

I hate inflation . . .

In the last two years, the price of my favorite frozen confectionery treat has gone up 15% at Giant Eagle. Sure, the price of cable TV has gone up, so has electricity, and postage, and natural gas, and, of course, gasoline. But why Popsicles? What are the Popsicle-loving children of our society supposed to do if their families can't afford a 15% price increase?

It's just a little more quiet in Pittsburgh today . . .

In addition to everything else that Myron Cope meant to Pittsburgh and the Steelers, I'm told that he was a decent person.

California raisins . . .

I love these little "Ads by Google" that are conveniently positioned above this blog (at least right now they are). I admit it, I sold out. I gave in to The Man and agreed to have little ads appear on my blog. I doubt it will result in any money for me, but I did it. I'm a sellout. Blah, blah, blah.

But my favorite thing about the ads is that they are chosen based very loosely on any major keyword that appears in your recent blogs. So, for instance, while I was making fun of Ugg boots, little ads for Ugg boots were appearing at the top of my blog page. That's messed up. I feel betrayed.

Just reporting the news, folks . . .

Gateway 'T' stop to close for 2 years

Port Authority move will cut costs during work on extension

Saturday, February 23, 2008
By Joe Grata, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

Figuring that energy, steel and cement prices will continue to escalate significantly, the Port Authority is cutting more corners on its $435 million light-rail extension to the North Shore.

Some T riders will have to sacrifice, too, by walking a few extra blocks or transferring to a shuttle bus at the Wood Street station.

Authority officials yesterday disclosed that the Gateway Center station will be closed for two years starting in mid-2009 to make it easier -- and cheaper -- to build a new, nearby Gateway subway station under Stanwix Street, in front of Fifth Avenue Place.

Bids for the block-long concrete shell of the $25 million-plus station are to be opened March 26. If the board receives an acceptable low bid, construction would get under way about four months later.

Instead of phasing work to maintain service at the existing Gateway station, the contractor will be allowed to close it along with a track loop that trolleys travel to change from inbound to outbound service, thereby saving time, labor and -- the authority hopes -- several million dollars.

The Gateway station is to be closed at some point in April to June next year and remain closed until mid-2011, when the 1.2-mile North Shore Connector is finished and open for business.

While trolley service is terminated at the Wood Street Station, the authority will operate shuttle buses to and from the Gateway Center area for riders who choose not to walk the extra four or five blocks.

The change represents the second cost-cutting move for a new Gateway Center station. More than a year ago, station designers eliminated a public plaza and modified other architectural features to cut costs. However, a glass-enclosed subway entrance, partly funded by $1 million from The Heinz Endowments and $100,000 from The Pittsburgh Foundation, remains in the plans.

"We're doing what we can to mitigate the impact of escalating construction costs without compromising safety or the integrity of the project," Port Authority Chief Executive Officer Steve Bland said. "I'd be living in a fool's paradise if I said there's no problem [about containing costs]."

Operations Manager Winston Simmonds, who's overseeing the project, said the authority is looking at other cost-cutting measures, such as using concrete instead of steel poles to support the overhead power system and entertaining value-engineering suggestions from contractors.

"Costs are a major concern for our design group, construction managers and the board," Mr. Bland said. "If we can't keep the costs down, the question becomes, 'How do we fund it?'"

The Port Authority has a $435 million funding agreement with the Federal Transit Administration that requires it to build the system it proposed, including twin tunnels now being bored under the Allegheny River and two North Shore stations.

"You just can't lop off a quarter-mile of track or one of the North Shore stations," Mr. Bland said. "We're walking a fine line."

In June 2006, before the authority made a commitment with the FTA, it raised cost estimates by 10 percent, to the current $435 million estimate. The amount includes about $22 million for contingencies, including cost escalation and unanticipated costs.

The new Gateway Center station contract will be the second of 16 necessary to build the North Shore Connector. The first one, for $156.5 million, was awarded to North Shore Constructors, a joint venture of West Mifflin-based Trumbull Corp. and San Francisco-based Obayashi Corp., covering boring the twin tunnels and the majority of the civil work.

In project-related business yesterday, Port Authority officials reported that the special tunnel boring machine has completed the first 165 feet of tunnel heading toward the river from the 55-foot-deep "launch pit" at the northwest corner of PNC Park.

Friday . . .

Jim: Hey, check this out:

http://www.thesuperheroquiz.com/villain/

I was The Joker.


Dave: Lex Luthor. But only 43%.

And just 4% more than Catwoman.


Jim: I guess you don't make a very good villain.

FF's night at the theatre . . .

Dave: How was "Amadeus?"


FF: Beautiful to look at but boring and less than perfect performances. We had a candy eater on our right that was "shhh'd" multiple times by the fur coat clad big-haired bitch in front of us. We had a conservative tight ass on our left, who apparently was unaware that Mozart had a fascination with women's bottoms and the word "shit". She was very vocal with her disgust. Rock me Amadeus.

I can't take it anymore . . .

Too much Oprah Winfrey. I'm Oprah Winfrey-ed out.

It's the season between Valentine's Day and Easter . . .

As the snow melts away around here, it leaves behind in its wake an equally hazardous road condition. Potholes. It is full-blown Pothole Season in the City of Pittsburgh. They are everywhere. No neighborhood is immune. They are the great equalizer. The roads in posh neighborhoods like mine will fall just as big a victim to this plague as the roads in every other neighborhood. Potholes don't play favorites. Unfortunately, Public Works crews do.

And this is what happened to the library clerk's father on Sunday . . .

My father fell on the ice today. Bruised his knees really bad. Had to call off work. Unfortunately, the stairs in question where he had his fall were his own.

This is what happened when Jim went shopping with his wife on Saturday . . .

Honest to god, Dave, I tried to get my wife to buy a pair of Ugg boots today.

I have Edgar Snyder on speed dial . . .

You know what I can't believe? I've been living in this oh-so-posh neighborhood of mine for more than nine years now, and I still can't believe that some people don't clear their sidewalks of snow and ice. I mean, at least thrown down some salt or something. Don't these folks know that all it takes is one "slip and fall" and then it's time to call a lawyer? It's not worth the risk.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go take a long walk around my neighborhood.

In pennyloafers.

Email from Jim . . .

I just went to your blog for the sole purpose of looking at the picture of the Ugg boots.

"Sole" purpose, get it? God, I crack myself up.

What happened while I was at work?

Uh, Sidney, is there something you want to tell me?

And who's your new friend?

It's the end of the world as we know it . . .

I can't believe that I'm saying this on February 13, but I think it's over. The election for the next President. John McCain won. That's it. Over. And I don't want to think about it or talk about it. It truly sucks.

And speaking of weird trends . . .

This young woman is so . . . orange. I've seen that shade before . . .
And if you haven't already heard, the price of first class postage is going up. Again. Up one cent to 42 starting in May. Time to stock up on those "Forever" stamps. The Postal Service pisses me off.

UGG!!!

Today I saw a fellow on my street wearing Ugg boots. It was not pretty.

Tales from the city . . .

Sometimes when I take my dog Sidney out for a quick bathroom break in the hedged-in yard behind my building, I don't put trousers on. Now, I am wearing boxer shorts, which I think more than adequately cover me for a quick trip outside with the dog. When he goes number two, we have to take a short walk out of the yard to a dumpster where I can deposit his deposit. I have been doing this since I got him at the beginning of October without incident. My neighbors don't say anything, except when it's really cold, my one neighbor comments on the fact that I go outside in shorts. But that's it. And she's crazy.

So, yesterday I took Sidney out back, and he did his thing. We were walking briskly to the dumpster, where I saw there was a man rummaging through the trash. This has become an all too familiar sight behind my building, but I try not to think about it. I don't know if it's always the same guy or not, but it's not a pleasant thing. Anyway, the guy turns around and very politely says to me, "Sir, you're wearing underwear." To which, I replied with a friendly smile, "Yes, and you're going through my trash." Pause. "I guess that makes us even." He smiled, and then he said, "I guess it does."

The NFL has suggested a new logo for the Patriots . . .

The three puppeteers . . .

Really? These are my choices? No Al Gore? No Ralph Nader? No universal healthcare? Are we even going to leave Iraq? What the hell is going on here?

Nice face, Hillary.

Where there's a Will . . .

Read me the one about Prince Hamlet again. Please! That one's my favorite.

Not perfect anymore . . .

Apparently, it's not as easy for the Patriots to win the Super Bowl when they don't have videotape of their opponent's final practice before the big game. Maybe next year, Belichick.

From my friend the library clerk . . .

We found a card in one of the return books today from a woman telling her boyfriend or husband that she is leaving him because after three years of being with him she is pretty sure she is gay.

Just another day at Dr. Cyril Wecht's office . . .

You, there. Yes, you. Listen, uh, I need you to walk my daughter, uh, Ingrid's dog. When you, uh, get back, I'll give you, uh, $25.

Oh, Cyril . . .

Is someone following me? Is it the CIA? I told them what I thought about JFK's assassination. I didn't lie about that. I lied about everything else, but not that. Not JFK.

Was Bessy cloned . . . ?

So, how's YOUR portfolio today?

And just in case you didn't already know . . .

It's never a good idea to fuck with a tiger. Even in a zoo.

She's come a long way from "Mystic Pizza" . . .

Let's see now. What else do I need? There's foundation, blush, eyeliner, lip gloss, concealer . . . yeah, lots of concealer.

That's just cruel . . .

Two buddies just hanging out, talking about oil . . .

"It's good to be the King. I mean, President."

Introducing the Tata Nano . . .

Cool little car. But I think I'll wait for them to come out with the Tata iCar.

I don't need a groundhog to tell me that . . .

A recession is coming. And it's going to be a big one.

Muck the Port Authority . . .

Apparently, the downtown side of the North Shore Connector project (the "Little Dig") is making quite a mess. A lot of muck down there, I hear.

It's deja vu all over again . . .

Lousy special teams, good field position for the other team, and bad interceptions thrown by the quarterback. Yep, pretty much sounds like the recipe for any playoff loss under Bill Cowher. Mike Tomlin is proving to be a fine replacement.

No more boxes for my TV . . .

Just in case there is some confusion amidst my loyal readership, only a small proportion of the American public needs to worry about the transition to digital TV on February 18, 2009. While it seems like everybody is scrambling to get their hands on one of these $40 coupons from the government to help pay for a digital converter box, you don't need a box (or a coupon) if you have satellite or cable TV. You only need the box if you receive television signals through rabbit-ear antennas (kind of like the TV pictured above). And the Nielsen Co. estimates that that is only about 13 percent of the total television households in the nation (and that figure seems to high to me). But for the rest of us, we don't need those new boxes. So, don't print out a coupon. And don't waste your money on a box. You've been warned.

So close . . .

http://davethequietobserver.blogspot.com/2007/09/word-from-delphi-is.html

I'm telling you, if yesterday's game had really meant something to the Steelers, I would have been right on the money. Oh, well.

No predictions for the playoffs from me, I'm afraid. I don't know what the heck this team is going to do. Special teams, a porous defense, and no Willie Parker are likely to put much of the burden on the shoulders of Ben Roethlisberger. I think he is capable of leading them to victory over the Jacksonville Jaguars next week. Whether or not it will happen, however, I really don't know. I expect a good game. Hopefully, the Steelers will find a way to win it.

The Friday after Christmas . . .

Jim: I'm bored. Go out and quietly observe something so I can read about it on your blog.

Dave: I'm pretty bored myself. Other than Christmas, this has got to be the biggest week of nothing of the year. The time leading up to Christmas is always frenetic, Christmas comes and goes so quickly, and then blam! Nothing. And we're too old to get all tweaked up about New Year's Eve. Plus, you have kids, so no late night fun for you. And then January comes and it's dark and dreary until hints of spring start showing up in March. Life in our part of the country, I guess. It's freaking beautiful in Florida. Maybe I should move there.

While you were being joyous and full of good cheer . . .

For those of you who might have missed this little news item during your holiday revelry, the final cost for the completion of the "Big Dig" (the nation's most complex and costliest highway project) in Boston came in at $14.8 billion. When the project began, the cost was expected to be $2.6 billion. That's a modest cost overrun of almost 470%. Four hundred and seventy percent.

Meanwhile, back here at home, the "Little Dig" is underway to bore the first of two holes below the Allegheny River between downtown and the North Shore at a projected cost of $435 million.

The meter's running.

Those Spears girls sure are fertile . . .

What are Jamie Lynn Spears's plans for her future baby? Well, she says she plans to raise the baby in her home state of Louisiana - "so it can have a normal family life."

Yeah. Uh, good luck with that.

Nothing worse than a cold wiener . . .

Did you hear about this . . . ?

So, the much ballyhooed Mitchell Report on the use of performance-enhancing drugs in baseball came out yesterday. The report included a list of players allegedly linked to the drugs. There were names of Yankees and Red Sox and Dodgers and Phillies. But there were no names of Pirates on the list.

It's as if they're not even trying.

Your mother was right . . .

Never take candy from a stranger.

Where are the headphones . . . ?

I don't mind losing, but . . .

The Patriots are a great football team. Maybe the best ever. But I would be hard-pressed to call them humble or classy. Starting with the smug coach and his gameday sweatsuits. Cheating asshole.

I was just thinking . . .

Sausage is weird.


But very tasty.

But they're still digging that big hole under the river . . .

From today's Post-Gazette:

After long and heated debate, Allegheny County Council yesterday adopted a $727.5 million county budget for next year that includes a new 10 percent tax on poured alcoholic drinks and a new $2-a-day levy on car rentals.

Revenue from the new taxes is earmarked for public transit.

County Chief Executive Dan Onorato, who included the new taxes in his budget proposal to council, had vowed to veto any budget with a property tax increase.

Mr. Onorato last night called the budget "a victory for all property owners in Allegheny County," noting that it was the fourth consecutive year without an increase in the . . . property tax rate.


Well, it's a gamble for the County Chief Executive. He raised the price of poured drinks (which Pittsburghers love) in a continuing effort to not raise property taxes (taxes which Pittsburghers don't love). So, the question is, is all of this enough to pave the road to the governor's mansion for Danny Boy? And will he take public transportation there or rent a car?

Slip an extra Barbie on the barbie . . .

After being part of PNC Park since it opened in 2001, the Outback Steakhouse has closed. The Pirates say, "We're creating a new concept that will be open to all fans before, during and after all games." My suggestion: stop catering to the little kiddies and put a strip club in that space. Build it and they will come.

Actual photo from a corner in Philadelphia . . .

I used to visit Philadelphia every now and then. It's no wonder I don't anymore.

I bet that tastes like . . .

Jim and Dave emailing about football . . .

Just as a reminder, Jim lives near Philadelphia and is an Eagles fan. I am still friends with him, despite that. If you have any knowledge of football, then this email exchange will make a lot more sense than if you don't.


Jim: I guess Andy Reid is a good coach to have won as many games as he has, but he is so frustrating because at the worst possible times he will do something that is so boneheaded and completely defies any kind of rational explanation. Honestly, I don't care how many times he's been to the NFC championship. If I was the owner, I would have fired his fat idiot ass on the spot last night. I wouldn't even have let him leave the field and go back into the locker room with the team.

Dave: I see. Coaches make moves like that all of the time. If they work, they're lauded. If not, they're roasted on radio talk shows for the next week. Cowher had his share of those moments, and Tomlin will, too. However, as an observer from afar, Reid does seem to have more than his share of them. Ultimately, I think, Feeley threw the interception, so it's on him. Come on, Jim, give Reid a break. He lives in a drug emporium.

Jim: He acts like he lives in a drug emporium.

I think I have to disagree when it comes to last night. How can you do a great job of putting your players in a position where they have a chance to win for 99% of the game, only to pull the rug out from under them at the very end and almost deliberately put them in a position to fail right at the exact moment where all of their hard work is about to pay off? I am a patient man, but that is not only inexcusable, it's inhumane. Michael Vick and Pacman Jones got suspended from the NFL for less.

Dave: Wow. Strong words. I hope I'm not as angry tomorrow as you are now.

I wish I lived in a drug emporium.

That's a pretty bitter berry . . .

Did you know that there is as much sugar in one scoop of canned cranberry sauce as there is in eight chocolate donuts? Wow. Well . . . Happy Thanksgiving.

From today's Post-Gazette:

The 500-ton cylindrical drill that will carve its way from the North Shore to the new Gateway Station, Downtown, and back began its journey slowly yesterday.

The massive machine, strapped into a red gantry crane, was lifted up, then carried forward as the crane inched its way along a red steel track into the starting pit opposite PNC Park.

Construction workers snapped photos with cameras and cell phones, but to uninitiated observers, it was almost impossible to tell it was moving.




So . . . now we know that this is definitely a Port Authority project.

The Penguins could use some good karma . . .

Looks like the Lukester missed a pretty good photo op in the Hill District with some of the Penguins. But as we all know, the Boy Mayor often misses opportunities to meet with minorities in the area.

Not a good day for Mr. Bonds . . .

Why so surly, Barry? What, is it that whole Federal Indictment for perjury and obstruction of justice thing? Don't sweat it, man. If everyone from the Bush administration can beat their charges, then you and a really good lawyer can, too.

The Triumphant Return of Ronald Miller . . .

When he was making that awful 80s movie where he is a pizza delivery man who boinks his female customers who order extra anchovies, do you think that Patrick Dempsey thought that in 2007 he would be named one of People Magazine's Sexiest Men Alive and that his nickname would be "McDreamy?"

The leaves are finally falling, along with my morale . . .

Oh, I just can't stand that little twit. But life must go on. And the blog must go on. I don't have much to say, I'm sorry to report, despite having been on hiatus for a week. I suppose on the plus side, I now have at least two more years of the Lukester's shenanigans to make fun of. There should be plenty of photos for that. But, really, I'm just getting a little sick and tired of business as usual around this city. And I'm really sick of high-end condos being built all over the place. Yeah, they're nice and all, but who's going to live in them? Downtown continues to be plagued by tons of empty office space; the "non-profit" giants of the University of Pittsburgh and UPMC continue to make lots of money and scarf up property, and they still don't feel particularly compelled to pay property taxes on their growing empire; and the Pirates just bloody suck. It's a beautiful city with a tremendous landscape, decent people, and a great football team. But is that enough?

In response to the Lukester's victory, my blog is observing several days of silence in mourning for the City of Pittsburgh.

It's Election Day. Remember to vote early and vote often.

Yesterday there were two election messages left on my home answering machine. Unlike some voters, I did not get the taped message from Bob O'Connor's widow Judy endorsing the Lukester. Good thing. I did, however, get one from the Boy Mayor in which he introduced Dan Onorato to speak on his behalf. No surprise there, really. Onorato has been doing all the talking for months. Then later in the day, I got a message from Mark DeSantis. He spoke for himself.

I like him. Even though he is a Republican. But what does that even mean in Pittsburgh?! Sometimes the Democrats are more conservative than the Republicans. I'm told that the Lukester is pro-life and that DeSantis is pro-choice. In my opinion, they should both be pro-choice. But my guess is that despite the political label, DeSantis is more of a Democrat than the Lukester is.

Listen to Joe . . .

Who am I voting for in tomorrow's Mayoral election? Well, it's not going to be that Ravenstahl fellow, I can tell you that. I may be mean, but I'm not stupid.

From the Sidney Chronicles . . .

Note: This little story will be more amusing to the people who know me really well than it will be to the rest of my vast readership. To them, I apologize in advance.


Last night when Sidney and I were coming to the end of a little stroll around the block, we came across a car parked in a place where it should not have been parked. To my surprise, Sidney stopped and growled at it. He kept growling at it as we walked by, looking back over his shoulder with contempt.

When a bad quarter is still a pretty good quarter . . .

Exxon Mobil Corp. said this morning that its profit fell 10% in the third quarter from a year ago, when its profit was the second-largest ever recorded by a publicly traded U.S. company. The drop in net income (pure profit, baby) was from $10.49 billion to a humbling $9.41 billion.


Oil company executives in Houston had to be talked down from the window ledges outside of their ridiculously opulent offices. President Bush is expected to visit the region to determine whether it can be declared a national disaster area.

I'd rather have a dog . . .

Little Jimmy was just following the teacher's directions for the students to show her what they would do if their mother served them spinach for dinner.