Out at the plate: Pirates dump outspoken pierogi
Saturday, June 19, 2010
By Dan Majors, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

Frustrated fans pleading for something -- anything -- to be done to stop the Pirates' losing ways are likely to find little to cheer about in the baseball team's latest move.

They fired a pierogi.

Andrew Kurtz, 24, of New Brighton, one of the 18 men who take turns posing as pierogies in a crowd-pleasing race after the fifth inning of every game at PNC Park, was dismissed by the team Thursday because he posted disparaging remarks about the Pirates on his Facebook page.

"My son always was a big Pirates fan," said his mother, Mary Kurtz. "He took pride in being a pierogi runner. Since when, in this country, are you not allowed to state an opinion? Well, here is my opinion: The Pirates came through again and let go one of their biggest fans and dedicated workers."

The Pirates introduced The Great Pittsburgh Pierogi Race N'at, inspired by the sausage races conducted by the Milwaukee Brewers, at Three Rivers Stadium in 1999. Four runners, costumed as pierogies, dash along the outfield warning track to break through a finish line of balloons, then exit into the ballpark seating area, where they greet fans.

Sponsored by Mrs. T's Pierogis, the promotion features Cheese Chester in yellow, Sauerkraut Saul in red, Oliver Onion in purple and Jalapeno Hannah in green. One of the original pierogies, the blue Potato Pete, was retired a few years ago, but occasionally makes surprise appearances.

Kids love the event and the team has responded with pierogi-character beanbags, windup cars and other toys given away through the season. The mascots even travel to other cities' ballparks and make frequent appearances at events around town.

Mr. Kurtz became a pierogi two years ago when a friend told him about tryouts. He made the team, joining other men ranging from their early 20s to a 48-year-old runner who has been a pierogi since the beginning. There have been women runners in the past, but none this season, he said.

Sometimes the Pirates will permit outside organizations or groups to buy the right to run a race, but those occasions are rare.

"It's a blast," Mr. Kurtz said. "You pick out which eye you want to look through and just goof around and be stupid. No one knows it's you. You run your race and afterward you go up in the crowd and high-five people. They take pictures. It's a great time."

There isn't a lot of dough involved in being a pierogi. Runners are paid $25 per race and, because of road games and the rotation, Mr. Kurtz said he only participated about four times a month. There are other perks, however, including tickets to games and $50 for public appearances, such as a visit Mr. Kurtz made as a pierogi two weeks ago to Shaler Area Middle School.

Like many people, Mr. Kurtz, who described himself as a lifelong, die-hard Pirates fan, has a Facebook page, where he occasionally would bemoan the team's misfortunes. But he never named names before.

Thursday, at 4:30 p.m., he posted a message aimed at team president Frank Coonelly, general manager Neal Huntington and manager John Russell. It read: "Coonelly extended the contracts of Russell and Huntington through the 2011 season. That means a 19-straight losing streak. Way to go Pirates."

Within four hours, he received a call from Dan Millar, the Pirates' mascot coordinator.

"He called as the game was going on," Mr. Kurtz said. "He wanted to know what was up with my Facebook message. I told him I didn't mean anything by it, and he was like, 'Well, why'd you put it up?' I said, it was just an opinion. But he took it negative and talked to his boss. And then they wanted me to turn my uniform in."

A pierogi's uniform consists of black Spandex pants and a shirt, which Mr. Kurtz turned in Friday.

"I apologized and asked for a second chance, but he did not take my apology," Mr. Kurtz said. "He was like, 'Nah, it's too late.' "

Pirates spokesman Brian Warecki on Friday night said, "While we cannot discuss the specifics of the dismissal, we can say that a part-time employee serving a suspension for a previous violation of company policy was terminated for committing yet another violation of company policy."

Mr. Kurtz said the previous violation involved a miscommunication regarding his work schedule. But there's always trouble when you burn a pierogi. Mr. Kurtz's mother contacted the news media to express her anger.

"I think it was very unfairly done," Mrs. Kurtz said. "If they thought that what he said was wrong, they could have just said, 'Look, take it off Facebook.' And then let it go."

Mr. Kurtz, who over the past season-and-a-half has posed as all four pierogies, said he would miss it.

"The kids really get into it," he said. "They want to hug. Even the parents are like, 'Wow, it's a pierogi, that's so cool. I want to get my picture taken.'

"When the Pirates are playing bad, people still want to see that pierogi race. I've heard people say, 'That's the only reason we stayed at the game. We wanted to see the pierogi race.' "

After each race, the Pirates post on the scoreboard the "standings" numbering the wins recorded by each pierogi. According to Mr. Kurtz, the races are not, in fact, always fixed.

"They try to keep it close," he said. "They don't want a pierogi to fall too far behind. So if Jalapeno Hannah is two, three games behind, they kind of want her to win, so they pick the fastest runner out of the four runners that are racing that night and give Hannah to that one."

All races are choreographed to an extent, Mr. Kurtz said, but there is room for ad-libbing, particularly with the Pirate Parrot.

As far as having a favorite pierogi, Mr. Kurtz said he was partial to Sauerkraut Saul.

"I like the red," he said. "Saul's just the guy."

Mr. Kurtz said Oliver Onion has those giant goofy glasses, and Cheese Chester has a frown on his face that prompts kids to ask "Why aren't you happy?" There is an upside to being Jalapeno Hannah: You get to carry a purse.

"That's the only thing good about her, because you can whack the other pierogies," Mr. Kurtz said.

Asked if he'd learned anything during his time as a pierogi -- or as an employee of the Pittsburgh Pirates -- Mr. Kurtz was ready with a response.

"Don't post personal thoughts about the boss or whoever I work for," he said. "Just keep quiet."

Post Number 700 . . .

JIM: I bought and downloaded Darth Vader's voice for my GPS last night. A rare battle won by me over my kids, who wanted Spongebob.

"Turn right. Don''t make me destroy you."


Long live the wonders of high-speed internet!

DAVE: That is excellent.

I don't have a GPS. Which I guess puts me in the minority these days.

JIM: "After you get a GPS, you will have arrived at your destination. But you will not be a Jedi yet."

Table games are coming! Table games are coming! We're all saved! Maybe Florida should get table games. I'm sure they would help with the massive oil leak in the Gulf. Apparently, table games help everything.

He ain't no Stephen Strasburg . . .

Pirates: Plenty of seats remain for Alvarez debut
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
By Dejan Kovacevic, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

The Pirates' game-day sales for Pedro Alvarez's debut tonight at PNC Park are better than usual, but plenty of good tickets remain, team officials said this afternoon.

The crowd of 12,693 Tuesday night for the 6-4 loss to the Chicago White Sox is pretty much the standard this time of year on a weeknight, so even a highly unusual game-day sale of several thousand would be needed to push the crowd past 20,000.

The team is expecting much larger crowds for the weekend series with the Cleveland Indians, during which the 1960 World Series championship team will be celebrated. Some tickets for those games are being sold for $19.60.

While I was getting my hair cut yesterday, Kelly and I decided that it is inappropriate for women over 50 to wear ankle jewelry. Fifty is the cut-off.

Thanks to Mr. Blondie for sending me this excellent link:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/video/2010/jun/14/world-cup-2010-england-usa-brick

The great bottled-water scam
North Americans pay $15 billion a year for a product they already own and can use for next-to-nothing, reports science writer JUDE ISABELLA

Jude Isabella is a science writer and managing editor of YES Mag: the Science Magazine for Adventurous Minds (www.yesmag.ca). She lives in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

We think of ourselves as shrewd and thrifty shoppers. Yet, when it comes to bottled water, North Americans are conned to the tune of $15 billion and 8 billion gallons annually, paying twice for a commodity we already own.

The truth is most of us in the United States and Canada can be assured that the water that flows from our taps is as clean as bottled water -- and our taxes have already paid for it.

In fact, tap water may actually be cleaner. Last month, researchers found that some bottled water contains more bacteria than tap water. More than 70 percent of the popular brands tested in this new study failed to meet bacterial standards set by the United States Pharmacopeia, a nongovernment agency that sets safety standards for medications and health-care products, according to the Montreal Gazette.

In comparison, tap water is usually so pure, bottled water companies can simply bottle it and sell it to you. For example, Coca Cola-owned Dasani bottled water often comes from local water utilities. Visit its website and you can follow the eight-step Dasani treatment process, but never once read which contaminants are so terrifying that the company needs to disinfect the water all over again. If it's taste you're after, you can spend up to $5.50 a gallon on the bottled stuff, or as low as $0.15 per gallon for tap water with a home filter.

The United States and Canada spend enormous sums of money on research and regulations to keep tap water safe. The Colorado-based Water Research Foundation, the world's largest nonprofit organization dedicated to drinking water studies, is bankrolled by about 900 water utilities and spends up to $25 million a year on its research, which is used by the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency and Health Canada, and by water utilities serving roughly 80 percent of the U.S. population.

The bottled water industry possesses no such research arm. Nor is it regulated as rigorously as water utilities.

EPA requires public water supply testing by certified labs that must give timely violation reports. Public water systems must also offer reports to customers, noting their water's source, evidence of contaminants and regulatory compliance.

In contrast, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration, which regulates bottled water, cannot require certified lab testing or violation reporting. Nor does the FDA require bottled water companies to disclose where water comes from, how it is treated or what contaminants it contains, according to the U.S. Government Accountability Office.

Look at the historical record and you'll see that the government-regulated water systems of the United States and Canada are among the best on the planet, protecting against cholera, typhoid and other water-borne epidemics that still plague the developing world. Unfortunately, the success of these utilities has made them largely invisible. It's like mass vaccinations -- when the threat of a deadly disease is eliminated, we quickly forget how we achieved public health in the first place, and then take it utterly for granted.

Fifty years ago, when Americans started to worry about a clean environment, including their drinking water, they didn't suddenly start buying bottled water. Instead they demanded action and the Clean Water Act was passed -- a regulatory framework that dramatically improved drinking water standards in the 1970s, and still does today.

All that said, there is an appropriate market for bottled water. Lead contamination is a big problem in some schools where old pipes leach toxic lead into tap water. In such cases, bottled water is an affordable substitute to keep students safe. Even mundane problems, like the inconvenience of a suddenly thirsty child, makes bottled water a better choice than a sugary drink.

So I'm not saying that bottled water is inherently evil, just mostly unnecessary and a waste of money.

Water is not private property. It's a commonly owned resource, that needs to be managed for the public good, which is exactly what public water utilities do extremely well.

So if you want to pinch pennies in these hard economic times, why pay up to 36 times more for bottled water that may or may not be just as good as your own tap water?

I was driving home on Friday evening, when I noticed that I was behind a motorcycle with a man driving, and a woman sitting behind him holding a dog. That was not something that I had ever seen before. We're not talking about a little non-dog dog that could fit in a purse. No, it was a medium-sized pooch, and the woman appeared to be holding on tight while the dog enjoyed the ride. I tried to get closer to get a better look, and that's when I saw that the dog was wearing a very small pair of rather stylish black goggles. I couldn't resist. For the first time ever, I did a dangerous and foolish thing and pulled my cell phone out of my pocket so that I could try and snap a photo of this dog on a hog. Please don't try this at home.

When I was driving past Mike Tomlin's palatial estate today, I saw what I believe to have been Coach Tomlin himself turning into his driveway in his shiny black Escalade with the really shiny rims. So, I waved to him.

JIM: I almost forgot to tell you. I went to the dentist on Tuesday. They always give me a little goodie bag after my visit, and this time they included a product called Soft-Picks (or something like that; I believe the name of the company that makes it is GUM). It is kind of like a really skinny toothpick with bristles on the end that is supposed to work like floss. Maybe you should try it.

They also gave me a new toothbrush. An orange Oral-B. They let me choose which one I wanted, so I went with the Flyers color.

DAVE: Very funny. Is the Oral-B toothbrush a plain one, or is it fancy?

JIM: I'm not sure I would even know the difference.

DAVE: Here's the litmus test of a fancy toothbrush: Do the bristles come in colors other than plain and blue? Are there all sorts of different colored bristles headed in all sorts of different directions?

JIM: I didn't look at it that closely. I know that it was orange. For the Flyers.

DAVE: If an athlete has ONE good year these days, they want a new contract. I sound old.

JIM: Yes, you do sound old. But that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with that.

Speaking of old, have I told you that over the past few weeks, I've noticed a lot of hair in my brush every time I brush my hair. I guess I am losing my hair. It is not noticeable at all yet, but there has been a lot of loose hairs in my brush lately.

DAVE: Most guys lose their hair. At least part of it.

And, of course, we gain it in our ears, our upper arms, and our backs. At least some of us.

JIM: Nose hair.

DAVE: Oops. Forgot about that one.

Is this job almost over? I need to get the hell out of here and go do some cushy political consulting gig.

Over the weekend, I took a look online at my Verizon land line telephone bill and decided that I could probably change my local calling plan from the UNLIMITED local calling that I've had for as long as I can remember to the BUDGET plan. Not only do I not make unlimited calls on my land line, I hardly make ANY calls on it. I needed the UNLIMITED plan when I still had dial-up internet, but I don't anymore. Like most people these days, practically my entire calling life exists on my cell phone. But like a lot of folks, I just can't give up my land line. I've trimmed my service down over the years, as my cell phone has become my "primary" number. First I cancelled my long-distance service. Then I cancelled Call Waiting. Now, all I want is a phone and a dial tone. Why do I keep the land line when I hardly ever use it? First of all, I have a cool phone number that I would miss terribly. Secondly, I like to have a land line in case of extreme emergencies when cell phones might not work. Thirdly, with my cell phone as my primary number, I like to have a secondary number that I can give out to businesses and companies, etc. who I don't necessarily want to have my cell phone number. It's a shame, really, because I really love my land line phone. When I found it online using my high-speed internet, I just had to have it.

Now, THAT'S something that you don't see everyday.

Ethics board to discuss Adam Ravenstahl appointment
Friday, June 04, 2010
By Joe Smydo, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

Pittsburgh's Ethics Hearing Board will hold a discussion next Friday of Mayor Luke Ravenstahl's nomination of his brother to the Allegheny County Sanitary Authority board.

City Councilman Bill Peduto last week asked the board to render an opinion on Adam Ravenstahl's nomination. The mayor made the nomination May 19, the day after his brother won a special election to the state House.

Sister Patrice Hughes, ethics board chairwoman, today confirmed that the board will discuss the nomination at its June 11 meeting.


Did anyone else notice that the chairwoman of the ethics board is a Sister?

I realize that "Sex in the City 2" is not a movie intended for me. But I still think that the franchise may have fallen into the common movie trap in which the sequel (out of all of the ideas in the world, the best that anyone could come up with) is a road trip. It happened with "The Karate Kid," in which Part 2 took the heroes to Okinawa, Japan. It happened with "Crocodile Dundee," in which Part 2 actually had the heroes lead the bad guys from New York City on a road trip to Australia's Outback. It's what sequels do. And then in the third installment, they always return home for their greatest adventure ever. Or to have a baby. Stay tuned for "Sex in the City 3," Ladies. And don't forget to take your husbands/boyfriends.

Dave and Dennis say good-bye . . .

DAVE: I received the package over the weekend. Thank you. Four toothbrushes in blue and green. Very kind of you. I wanted to let you know that I tried the NoWax Classic Super Thin White Floss, and I shredded it. I haven't tried the other floss yet, but I will. I'm telling you, many brands of floss have not been able to conquer my teeth. They are a freak of nature. But Glide does do the job. I'm sure your floss is great. For people with adequate space between their teeth. I have all four of my wisdom teeth, straight and perfect, but they pushed all of my other teeth closer together, and I've been shredding floss ever since.

Again, many thanks for the little package of dental care goodies.

DENNIS: You're welcome! Let me know if I can be of any help in the future.

Study finds 1 in 4 Pa. drivers don't know rules
Scores on yearly test 'not getting better'
Wednesday, June 02, 2010
By Jon Schmitz, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

This might come as no surprise, but there's a 1 in 4 chance that the person ahead of you in traffic is clueless.

So suggests a study by GMAC Insurance, which administered a 20-question written test to more than 5,000 drivers nationwide, with questions pulled from actual tests administered by state motor vehicle agencies.

Pennsylvania did not shower itself in glory, finishing 39th among states with an average score of 75.8 percent, below the 76.2 percent national average. Possibly more dismaying is that 25.3 percent of Pennsylvania respondents flunked the exam.

With 8.7 million licensed drivers in the state, that means there could be as many as 2.2 million Keystone State motorists who don't know whether to yield or wind their watches.

It was the sixth year GMAC administered the test, and this year's results showed that as a nation, we're skidding. The national average score fell by 0.4 percentage points from the preceding year.

Wade Bontrager, a senior vice president for the company, said although the drop was small, it was discouraging. "We've been evangelizing this message for six years now. ... It's not getting better," he said.

The company decided to test drivers because of the volume of accident reports and claims in which lack of driving knowledge was a contributing factor, he said.

"In so many of these (accidents), it's little things that caused them. Someone followed too closely or failed to yield," Mr. Bontrager said.

Nationally, 18.4 percent of the 5,202 survey respondents failed to score the 70 percent needed to pass the exam. That translates to 38 million drivers nationwide who would flunk if they were required to take a written test, the insurer said.

Kansas drivers had the best average score, 82.3 percent. New Yorkers ranked last, at 70 percent.

The Northeast had the lowest average test score (74.9 percent) and the highest failure rate (25.1 percent). The Midwest had the highest average test score (77.5 percent) and the lowest failure rate (11.9 percent).

Men outscored women 78.1 percent to 74.4, and had a lower failure rate, 18.1 percent to 24 percent for females.

"It's very concerning," Mr. Bontrager said of Pennsylvania's failure rate. "Even the good states have a lot of people failing this test. They all should be doing better."

"It is alarming," agreed Bevi Powell, spokeswoman for AAA East Central, based in Pittsburgh. But she added that "more crashes happen due to inattention than a lack of knowledge."

Most Pennsylvania drivers aren't required to be tested for knowledge once they've passed the written exam to receive their learner's permits. On that test, they must correctly answer at least 15 of the 18 questions to pass.

The state has administered about 430,000 knowledge tests for car and motorcycle applicants since last July, with a pass-fail ratio of about 50-50, said Danielle Klinger, spokeswoman for the Pennsylvania Department of Transportation.

Drivers who accumulate six points for moving violations are given a special exam and must pass it within 30 days to avoid a license suspension.

Others might be required to be retested if they are diagnosed with an impairment that affects their driving ability, Ms. Klinger said. Medical professionals are required to report such diagnoses to the state.

Ms. Powell noted that AAA and other agencies offer an 8-hour refresher course on driving rules, and those 55 and older who take the course are eligible for 5 percent reductions in their car insurance premiums.

AAA does not support mandatory retesting of older motorists, and Ms. Powell said she was unaware of any state that requires it.

Mr. Bontrager said GMAC wasn't advocating that states require periodic retesting. He said he considered it a matter of personal responsibility for drivers to brush up on their knowledge, and to realize that the value of such knowledge was improved safety, not just a step toward getting a license.

After the test results are announced each year, millions go to www.nationaldriverstest.com to take the test, he said. "If some of those people get better as a result, and avoid getting into an accident, we will have succeeded."

PennDOT's drivers manual also is available online and has 183 sample test questions at www.dmv.state.pa.us/drivers_manual/pa_driversman.shtml.

JIM: So, your boy Al is dumping his wife after 40 years. Think he's going for a younger woman?

DAVE: I don't care who you are, marriage for a lifetime is a hard accomplishment these days. If he's leaving her for another woman, then he is leaving her for Mother Earth.

JIM: I guess I shouldn't provoke you knowing your bromance with Al Gore. sometimes I just can't stop myself from poking the bear. And you know, it never turns out well for me when I do.

DAVE: It is because Al Gore lost the Presidency to George Bush that our country is in greater peril than anyone is even willing to talk about out loud. Bush becoming President instead of Gore was the final push I needed to stop believing in god. True story.

JIM: Maybe the whole situation was set up by God just to test your faith.

DAVE: If that was the case, then my faith failed. But letting Bush destroy our country over the course of eight years was too much for me. I believe that the United States would be a much better place had Gore won. And he did win.

JIM: Get over it.

wow, that sounded harsher than I meant it to be.

Dave and Dennis continued . . .

As promised, I received a package from Dennis the POH salesperson over the weekend. He sent me two spools of their special, one-of-a-kind floss and four toothbrushes. Two in blue and two in green. Considering that my original goal was to purchase five toothbrushes from the POH website, I would say that Dennis is a good guy. Even if he does live in Tulsa, Oklahoma and sell POH dental products over the internet. With a $20 minimum.