All self checkout lanes at any store should have a ten item limit. No exceptions.

Poptarts

I wonder if you ever stop liking Poptarts. Especially old school flavors that have been around since I was a young lad. I don't even go near the new, funky flavors. No, sir. Just strawberry and brown sugar cinnamon for me. The frosted ones, of course.

Jim fights the man . . . men, actually . . .

Yes, well, yesterday I called a parts place to try to get the tail light that I need to replace on my son's car from when he hit the mailbox. I told the guy I had a 2005 Volkswagen Jetta.  He said there are two versions:  one for 1999-2005 and one for 2005-2010.  And he needs to know which one I have.  How the fuck do I know?  So he tells me that one version has a bigger grill in the front of the car than the other.  So how the fuck does that help me?  How would I know unless I had pictures of both versions to compare to.  He offers to wait on the phone if I want to go out and look at my car.  That's big of him.  Why the fuck would Volkswagen make changes in the style of a model of car and then have the years overlap like that?  Shouldn't there be a version from like 1999-2004 and then 2005-2010?  So then I had to actually drive there today so they could tell me which part I need, only to then tell me they don't have it in stock anyway.  So now I have to drive back tomorrow and get it before driving to New York.  And another $58.30 sunk into this car.

While I was trying to take care of this issue over lunch, I also decided to try to resolve the issue with the plaque for the trophy for our fantasy baseball league.  I ordered the update for the plaque (with Brad's name on it as last year's champion) back in March.  But I haven't received it yet.  Every time I go to the website of the company we order from, I log into MY account using My username and MY password and it has MY information there and it says the status of MY order is "Processing".  Well, it's said that for three months now.  I have tried on several occasions to call the place and no one ever answers the phone and I give up and live to fight another day.  So I called again and, surprisingly, got no answer.  But there is a place on the website where you can send them a message through the site.  So I tried doing that.  Surprisingly, that didn't function at all.  But, not to be dissuaded once again and wanting to finally resolve this issue, I dug around and found an email address that I could send a message too.  So I sent a polite email asking for an update on the status of my order.  Rather quickly, "Bob" responded to me.  At first, "Bob" seemed to be my friend and seemed like he was genuinely interested in helping to resolve my problem.  But (spoiler alert!) Bob is rapidly becoming my enemy.  I provide Bob with my name and my order number (which was already in the initial email I sent, but hey, whatever it takes) and Bob responds by saying that they have no record of me in their system.  I politely tell Bob that I can log in to their website with the username and password that I established several years ago for my account and I can see all of my information.  Bob responds and says they have no record of me in their system and suggests that I must have placed the order with a different company.  I see now that Bob is not really my friend.  So I forward to Bob, the emails I received from their website three months ago with my order confirmation and the invoice.  I guess Bob didn't expect someone as anal retentive as me who saves every email.  Anyway, Bob again says that he has no record of me in the system despite the overwhelming evidence I have provided (where the hell did the order confirmation and the invoice come from then, BOB?  HUH????) and asks me to send a picture of my trophy.  HOW THE FUCK IS A PICTURE OF THE TROPHY GOING TO HELP RESOLVE THIS?!?  I believe it is just another ploy by Bob so that he can say that if I can't give him a picture of the trophy then there's nothing more he can do and he can wash his hands of this whole sordid mess.  However, again, Bob underestimates me.  It turns out I can come up with multiple pictures of the trophy and I supply Bob with all of them.  That was at lunch yesterday and Bob has not responded again yet.  Unbelievable.

Holy shit. How did I get here again?

I love Florida. But there are a couple of things that I don't like about it. Number one on that list is sharks. Sharks like hanging out off the coast of Florida about this time of year. The things on the left are thousands of blacktip sharks. On the right are some beach bathers.

Happy 47th birthday, Jennifer Aniston. I almost missed it. You were always my favorite friend.

You know, I think hummus would probably taste pretty good on meat, as the commercial says. I would totally try that. Hummus on meat.

Funny photo . . .

It seems like people in show business do not have any self-consciousness. They will do virtually anything. That kind of free-spiritedness scares me. I don’t have it at all. Not that I’m self-conscious. It’s just that I’m pretty mellow. I don’t get all excited and dance around or anything. I even find repetitive high-fives during Steeler games kind of annoying. I just don’t show a lot of emotion. Okay. So, I couldn’t be an actor. And yet, when I am in the classroom, I am able to step outside of myself and become, of all things, an actor. Hmm.

I wonder why don't all Pepperidge Farm Goldfish crackers have smiles on them?

I don't know why, but for some reason, today was the day of my 46th year that I realized that I will not be here some day. I will die.

I am so over Gatorade baths in sports.

Two random thoughts . . .

1. Donald Trump may be the biggest asshole in the whole country.

2. What is the point of cotton candy?

Hannah and her horse.

From the new "Vacation" movie. It is probably the high point in the movie.

DAY TWENTY . . .

And the last of the top twenty women whom I personally find beautiful and attractive is . . .

Sam Ryan

Day Nineteen

Katie Holmes

Day Eighteen

Meghan Markle

(Google her)

Day Seventeen

Lindsay Czarniak

Day Sixteen

Olivia Munn

Day Fifteen

Danica Patrick

Day Fourteen

Giada De Laurentiis

Day Thirteen

Christina El Moussa (of HGTV's show, "Flip or Flop")

Day Twelve

Heidi Klum

Day Eleven

Keri Russell

Due to the unprecedented response to the reveal of my top ten beautiful women, I think I am going to do another ten, to be understood that this ten is just a little lower than the first ten. Starts tomorrow. Mr. Blondie is away at scout camp with his son for the week, so any other members of my vast and devoted readership who may feel compelled to comment, please feel free to do so.

Day Ten

Amy Robach (of ABC News)

Day Nine

Rosamund Pike

Day Eight

Pippa Middleton

Day Seven

Mila Kunis

Day Six

Gwyneth Paltrow

Day Five

Sonni Abatta (formerly of KDKA-TV2 and missed by at least one former viewer)

Day Four

Heidi Watney

Day Three

Hannah (of Hannah and her horse)

Update: I have discovered that Hannah is actually model Hannah Davis. And she is hot.

Day Two

Emmanuelle Chriqui

Day One

Remember, in no particular order.

Jennifer Aniston

This is probably sexist, but no one reads my blog except Mr. Blondie, so what difference does it make? Over the next ten business days, each day I am going to reveal, in no particular order, the ten women whom I personally consider to be the most beautiful, attractive women that I know of. I am not going to count women who were beautiful in their prime, but rather women who are beautiful to me right now.

It starts tomorrow. Comments welcome.

If your shower doesn't have a door or a curtain because of its large size or design, then you have a nice shower.

Why are Keifer Sutherland and Ray Liotta telling us what kind of tequila to drink?

Heinz is promoting its new mustard. Meanwhile, French's has recently introduced its new ketchup. It's a brave new world.

DAVE: I have a question. Do you believe in God?

DAD: Sure. Why do you ask?

DAVE: Well, you behave as though you do. I just wondered if you really did. I don’t know if I do. 

DAD:

Theology 101: 

It is natural for humans to ask: Why are we here? How did we get here? What is the purpose of life? etc. The answers to those questions, for some people, are found in religion. My answer is just as good as anyone else’s, and their answer is just as good as mine.

Genesis 1:26-27 — “Then God said, “Let us make humankind in our image, according to our likeness; and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the wild animals of the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth.”
    "So God created humankind in his image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” (Don’t know who us is, but us obviously got left out when it came to actual creation.)

While the Bible says that God created humans in his image, I believe the truth is that humans created God in their image. Thus, in a patriarchal society, God is male; in a matriarchal society, God is female; in a white society, God is white; in a black society, God is black; etc. Therefore, God is a perception. God is whatever the believer perceives God to be, with whatever powers one wants to attribute to God.

All of this is certainly more tolerant than most religious people are. Of course, I think most monotheistic religions are far less tolerant than polytheistic religions.

DAVE: Okay. But what does God do for you? Answers those questions that everyone has?

DAD: Provides a focal point in life and a foundation for how we should treat others.

Question: Does the statement in Genesis that humankind shall have dominion “over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth” give all the rest of us dominion over Republicans?

DAVE: I’m afraid not.

Today Bruce Jenner re-emerged in society as Caitlyn Jenner.


And it's Sidney's ninth birthday.

I don't think that overweight men and women should wear skinny jeans.

Have you seen those commercials with "Hannah and her horse?" The commercials are for DirecTV, but honestly, all you can think about is Hannah. She may be the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. And I'm not being hyperbolic.

I see on the news that another one of those big, plastic, bouncy houses for kids has gone for a ride of its own. Those things must not be safe. It doesn't seem worth the risk to have one of those things at a kid's party or whatever.

How hot did Mila Kunis grow up to be? Jeepers. And she ended up with Ashton Kutcher. That guy has a good life.

Sidney does not want to play with me very much anymore. He started turning down play last summer for the first time ever,  and now he just doesn't want to play. He will be nine in June. My mother and I took him to the vet who very kindly suggested a bunch of tests (cha-ching), and the end result of that is that there is nothing wrong with Sidney physically. So, unless he's depressed (and who could blame him, living in Pittsburgh where there are no geckos to hunt), then it's a simple matter of him aging. I don't know. He never, ever didn't want to play. And now he doesn't play. He just sleeps most of the day.

Well, that game just fucking sucked.

The baseball National League wild-card game is tomorrow night here in Pittsburgh. If you're near a TV around 8:07, you might want to check it out. It's going to be pretty crazy.

Neal Huntington is the 12th person to serve as General Manager of the Pittsburgh Pirates Major League Baseball organization. And he is a complete moron.

DAVE: I discovered today that my Mac understands a list of voice commands, such as “Open my browser.” There are a whole bunch of them. I have never heard anyone who owned a Mac mention that feature.

JIM: Cool. Kind of like Siri.

It's truly a terrible illness.

DAVE: I learned yesterday that Ashton Kutcher is engaged to Mila Kunis, who I think is very hot. First, Demi Moore, and now Mila Kunis. Lucky fucking bastard.

JIM: Be respectful. I think he's earned that now.

DAVE: The reason why I don’t watch many Pirate games, and the reason why I refuse to become emotionally attached to the team is because they are what they are, and the ownership shows no signs of making real, impactful changes. PNC Park is selling out almost every night (without fireworks), and there is no reason for ownership to do anything. It’s nice that the Pirates are doing as well as they are, and I am happy for the players and the fans. But ultimately, the terrible ownership will not do what needs to be done to truly field the best team that they can. There is even some debate about whether they will even sign Neil Walker. That’s just pathetic.

JIM: Nice rant. You should put it on your blog.

DAVE: Done.

DAVE: Although, I must admit, that at this point, I suspect that you’re the only person who reads my blog.

JIM: I guess maybe that doesn't say much for either of us.

In all seriousness, it is hard to say "pianist" without it sounding like "penis." Am I wrong?

DAVE: Who do you like in tonight’s All-Star Game? I think the National League will win [They lost].

JIM: I would like to see the NL win [They lost].

My kids both booed Derek Jeter when he was introduced. What is up with that?

DAVE: That’s weird. I thought everyone at least liked Derek Jeter. I don’t really care. He's a Yankee. 

JIM: Yeah. I was just surprised at the Jeter backlash from young kids.

DAVE: Did you ask them why they don’t like Derek Jeter?

JIM: My daughter said because he's a Yankee.

I guess you can't argue with that.

DAVE: How much is gasoline in your area? It is $3.90 here and has been for most of the summer. Meanwhile, when I was down in Florida, it was $3.35. We in Pennsylvania have rather high gas taxes, and they're talking about raising them so that they can fix roads and bridges. I'm pretty sure that's what they said the last time they raised the gas tax. Crooked politicians.

JIM: I don't know. I think I paid $3.73 earlier today.

Crooked politicians. They want people to conserve energy so we are less dependent on foreign oil. And they force car manufacturers to meet higher and higher mpg standards. So I buy a Prius to do my part. Now, there are states deciding that people driving hybrids aren't paying their share in gas taxes so they are going to charge an annual fee in order to own a hybrid. Unbelievable.

DAVE: That is unbelievable. And very republican.

JIM: They are all crooks.

DAVE: I know.

JIM: Do you?

DAVE: I do.

DAVE: I’ve been a little constipated this week, so tonight I drank some Metamucil for the first time in my life. Does that make me old?

JIM: I'm not sure. How did that work out for you?

Did I tell you we bought a Nutribullet a few months ago? So now for breakfast every morning I make a Nutribullet shake, usually with spinach plus whatever fruits we have around. And I always put flaxseed in it. Does that make me old?

DAVE: It worked.

No, you didn’t tell me. I guess you like the shakes, huh? They must help keep you regular.

DAVE: You have children. I do not. Do you ever worry about a school shooting?

JIM: It is a tough question. Not really, but it also seems naive to think it could never happen.

DAVE: When I was younger, I always liked Hall and Oates. What about you?

JIM: Yes. Me too.

Private Eyes was the first actual record album I ever bought. I remember I wanted to go to see them for my first concert. My parents told me I was too young, so then my grandparents said they would take me but by the time we tried to get tickets they were sold out. To this day, I've still never seen them in concert.

DAVE: I’ve always been a bit of a “wait for the Greatest Hits album” type of music buyer. So, when their record “History of Rock and Soul, Part 1” came out, I was all over it. And although I still have a good number of records from my youth in my bedroom closet (albeit with no record player on which to play them), I don’t think that album is among them. I don’t know what happened to it, but I do remember that it was a pretty great record. All the hits, baby.

JIM: Yeah. I might have that cassette tape. I'm not sure. All the hits. They are both from Philadelphia, you know.

Why the interest in Hall & Oates?

DAVE: I did know that they were from Philadelphia.

Last night [Saturday] during the second intermission of the hockey game, I was flipping through the HBO channels that my parents have, and on one of them, I came across a broadcast of the 2014 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction ceremony, and there were Hall and Oates playing “Rich Girl.” After that, they played “You Make My Dreams Come True,” and that was it. They probably played more songs before I tuned in. The audience seemed to be really into them. I think they were a major band for a lot of folks our age during our teenage years. Also, they are on my mind because there is a restaurant in Fox Chapel whose bar has a bunch of TVs for different sporting events that I sometimes go to for dinner and drinks. And on Fridays, they have a two-man band in the bar that does covers, and some of their songs are by Hall and Oates.

DAVE: I just voted at my polling place [Tuesday at 1:15], and I was only the 46th Democrat to have voted. This is an important election in that it will decide who will run against and hopefully defeat Tom Corbett. The other stuff on the ballot is mostly bullshit, but that vote is important. Oh, well.

JIM: If it's so important, then they should let everyone vote.

DAVE: Oh, you mean like how Independents can’t vote in the primary? That is stupid.

JIM: It is stupid. Most things about government are.

DAVE: You, my friend, are a disenfranchised voter.

JIM: Not totally. I get the privilege of voting for whoever you decide I'm allowed to vote for.

Cinnamon roll French toast seems to be a popular item for breakfast at local restaurants. Have you seen the commercials for it? I love cinnamon rolls, and I love French toast, so you would think that I would like it. But what I don't know is do you still put syrup on it? Or is that too much sweetness?

Do you know what I hate most about election season? It's the barrage of political mailings, especially those over-sized, cardboard mailers that get jammed into my poor little mailbox, pushing the important mail into the corner. Do voters read and get influenced by these things? I thought Americans voted for the person who spends the most on TV commercials.

To me, a beautiful woman in high heels can be very sexy. However, if a woman can't walk in high heels, she shouldn't even try.

Three things that I never thought would become as big as they have:

1. Twitter
2. Boxer briefs
3. Flavored vodka

I sent my first email in colored text last night. The text was blue. The email was to my mother who is having a tough time right now recovering from back surgery.

I recently heard from a health professional that we do not, in fact, lose 70% of our body heat through our heads. It's more like 10%. Doesn't that just make more sense?

I recently got my latest pair of my go-to shoes, the Merrell Chameleon 4 Stretch. They are fucking awesome.

Why is Kevin Costner suddenly blowing up? Again?

I think American cheese is disgusting. It's not even cheese.

Brewed On Grant: Opening Day 
Written by Rob Rogers on Wednesday, 02 April 2014.

Finally, a new season of Pirates baseball that doesn't come on the heels of double digit consecutive losing seasons. How cool is that?

Finders Keepers 
Written by Rob Rogers on Wednesday, 26 March 2014.

Boy Mayor may be gone ... but he refuses to be forgotten. He is still stirring up trouble.

Subway is now serving flatbread (read: pizza). That seems weird to me.

The Muppets are brilliant. Just brilliant.

I think LL Cool J is a much better actor than Ice-T.

I am leaning toward hating the word "trending."

My hair grows quickly. All of my hair. Including the hair in my nose. So, I am constantly trimming things in there so that it never gets out of control. I guess I'm kind of obsessive about it. But I'm the same way about my finger and toe nails. Which, fun fact, also grow unusually fast.

Well, I have finally eaten at the Cheesecake Factory. I just had a dinner salad, but it was good. I was saving myself for dessert (it was the Cheesecake Factory, after all), and I ordered not cheesecake, but carrot cake. It was . . . not very good. I guess that's why they don't call it the Carrot Cake Factory.

I don't like Ethan Hawke's dirty-looking, messed-up hair. What's the deal with that? Take a shower before you go on TV.

Brewed On Grant: Pothole Patcher
Written by Rob Rogers on Wednesday, 26 February 2014.

Mayor Bill Peduto was seen on Pittsburgh streets this past weekend shoveling blacktop into potholes.

Now that I have a Mac, I decided to purchase my first e-book. So, what did I buy? I bought Tortilla Flat by John Steinbeck. Pretty anticlimactic, huh?

Why do some paper towels and some toilet tissue have hearts, butterflies, and flowers on them?

I get Sam Waterston confused with David Strathairn. If you don't know who these guys are, then Google them. If you have time to read my blog, then you have time to Google.

For years I've heard Pittsburghers say things during a typical rainy winter like, "I would rather have snow." Well, this has been the winter for you. Instead of being a wet winter, this one has definitely been littered with multiple snowfalls. Is it possible to miss the rain?

Have you seen the commercial for the Toyota Highlander featuring the Muppets? I don't know how I feel about the Muppets selling things.

DAVE: This game is a debacle.

JIM: I guess we can be happy for Pete Carroll. He has Pitt ties.

DAVE: Doesn’t it seem like everybody has Pitt ties?

JIM: Not Peyton Manning. And look what happened to him.

DAVE: I just spent $93 on Amazon on a textbook for my class.

JIM: I thought the web was making books obsolete. And now you have to spend that much on a book so you can learn how to build web pages that will make books obsolete?

DAVE: Ain’t life a bitch.

In addition to the textbook, the rest of the course is, in fact, online.

JIM: Yes. Life, in fact, can be a bitch.

Both of my parents use canes, and they each have a blue handicapped parking placard.

My father has become one of these fanatical retirees who regularly composes letters to the editor. Then he sends copies of the crudely cut-out letters to I don't know who, but I am among the recipients. He writes the letters when he is in Pittsburgh and in Florida.

When it snows, as it has so often in Pittsburgh this winter, car owners are responsible for cleaning all of the snow off their cars. I just want to remind drivers that cleaning snow off you car includes the headlights and taillights. It's just crazy to drive around in winter weather with your lights covered with snow.

Brewed On Grant: Pedu-Right 
Written by Rob Rogers on Wednesday, 22 January 2014.

In stark contrast to Pittsburgh's previous mayor, Bill Peduto seems to be doing all the right things as he adjusts to his new office. So that's what adult behavior looks like!

Actually, Bill got the chip implanted in his arm, not his neck.

Surgeon General
Written by Rob Rogers on Friday, 17 January 2014.

It has been fifty years since the release of a study showing a direct link between smoking and lung disease. Many people have taken the Surgeon General's Warning seriously ... while others can't quit despite the evidence. Meanwhile, the tobacco companies continue to get rich.

Why is Kevin Hart suddenly blowing up?

Brewed On Grant: Mayor's Office 
Written by Rob Rogers on Wednesday, 15 January 2014. 

Bill Peduto has been sworn in and it is clear he is out to change the culture Boy Mayor left behind.

DAVE: How’s that fancy new watch with all the buttons working out for you so far?

JIM: The only button I've used so far is for the light.

DAVE: Indiglo. Nice. Timex really hit a homerun with that little feature on their watches.

JIM: The Indiglo on my old watch probably hasn't worked in about 10 years. So sometimes now I just press the button on my new watch even when I don't need to. Just because I can.

DAVE: You’re a wild and crazy guy, no doubt about it.

JIM: I had some carrots that I dipped in hummus with my lunch. But not just any hummus. Sundried tomato and basil flavored hummus. I am kicking it up a notch.

No more of the Lukester and his shenanigans. Pittsburgh has a real mayor now.