DAVE: I don't think that I ever told you something that I learned from ESPN over the holidays. If you are an NCAA student athlete who fails a course before a bowl game, you can appeal your failure until after the bowl game. I don't remember being able to "appeal" my grades in college. It's all rigged, my friend.

JIM: You act like you are surprised by this.

DAVE: Actually, the thing about me is that I always assume the worst about human nature. Which might be a problem were it not for the fact that humans always live up to my expectations.